Captive Souls
by Cats070911
Summary: Barbara is missing and Tommy is plunged into a world of introspection and despair as he searches for her. This contains themes that may be disturbing to some readers.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **As always I have borrowed Tommy and Barbara from the BBC and Elizabeth George.

This tale has some dark themes which justifies its M rating but please persevere beyond the first few paragraphs to the final chapter. I would be keen to know your thoughts / reactions. Whilst in some ways many of you might consider it "jumping the shark" it was inspired by the hysteria last year in London around a similar subject matter. I just had to put Tommy and Barbara in the centre of it and make it kinky enough to be interesting.

If you don't like it don't give up on me as my next story is much more typical.

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In all his years as a forensic pathologist Stuart Lafferty had never faced a more troubling post mortem. He usually liked to listen to music while he worked to give him a sense of connection to the living world but today he wanted to indulge in the misery and pain that for him silence evoked. The corpse on his table had been subjected to the tides and mud of the Thames for what he estimated was close to four days. The seabirds had picked extensively at the flesh, especially around the softer exposed skin. A face without eyes or flesh was no longer a face and depersonalised the autopsy which was sometimes mercifully easier but not today where it added immeasurably to his melancholy. Identification would require use of dental records and perhaps DNA, but from the height and build of the body and the straggly mess of reddish hair Stuart believed he already knew who lay before him.

Stuart struggled to keep Lynley from entering the morgue. As Detective Inspector, Tommy Lynley had been Detective Sergeant Havers' partner for over ten years and it was natural that he was distressed and wanted to see her. Lafferty understood that he needed closure; he needed to see for himself that it was Barbara. He also knew that seeing the body would destroy the last tendrils of Lynley's sanity. Stuart had often suspected that they loved each other deeply and Tommy's behaviour the last few days confirmed it leaving Lafferty saddened that they had never seen what was so obvious to others.

"At least wait until I confirm it's her," he entreated, "the body has extensive injuries caused by the fall from the bridge and time in the water. If it's her she wouldn't want you to remember her like that, she would want you to remember her as the feisty, intelligent and supportive person we knew."

Tommy was so distraught he did not know what to do or say. The voice was a distant noise as he swayed aimlessly in front of Stuart, running his hand through his unkempt hair. He felt helpless and hopeless. He wanted to shout and blame someone but there was no one he could accuse except perhaps himself. He dreaded confirmation it was Barbara but he also had to know. He rubbed his face slowly with both hands in a vain attempt to wake from the nightmare. Standing here in a place he had been with her so often he felt unclean. It was not just that he had been so busy looking everywhere for her that he had not shaved and had barely washed; he had failed her and was unworthy.

These last four days had been the worst of his life, not knowing what had happened and why she had just disappeared. Now she was, in all likelihood, lying lifeless and bloated on a cold metal table, having jumped from Tower Bridge. It made no sense to him and his mind reeled with all the things he had said or neglected to say that may have led her to such a dark place. She had left no note that he could find, no phone message, no text; no clue as to what had gone so wrong. Barbara was volatile and emotional but underneath it she had a cool clarity about life. She had found a balance that had suited her and was the last person he had thought would ever suicide.

He rushed for the door trying to claw it open to go to her. Detective Constable Nkata helped Lafferty restrain him. Winston was as confused and devastated as the others but he was trying to stay strong. Barbara would have wanted him to look after Lynley. He dragged Lynley away and steered him outside leaving Lafferty to his grim task.

"It won't help Sir. She wouldn't want you tearing yourself apart."

"I can't believe it is her Winston," Tommy said softly, his anger and anxiety subsiding momentarily. Faced with the facts he had no reason for optimism but he could not believe she would leave him without at least some type of explanation. "If it was her I would know it, I would _feel_ it. She is still out there somewhere and she needs me."

Winston frowned, not quite knowing what to say. They had scrutinised the CCTV footage over and over. Although it was grainy the woman, who had calmly climbed onto the Portland stone wall of the southern pier of the bridge and stood calmly for at least a minute before stepping off, did look like Barbara. It made no sense to any of them but it was hard to refute. Depression was an emotion Nkata thought was more likely to afflict the DI than Barbara but no one ever truly knew what it was like to walk in someone else's shoes. "I hope you are right Sir, I really do."

"Drop me off at the bridge please Winston. I want to be there when Lafferty rings."

Winston was doubtful. "Are you sure that's a good idea Sir?"

"I don't care if it's a good idea or not," Lynley snapped, "drop me there or I'll catch a cab. Either way I am going!"

They sat in silence as they drove until Nkata started to whistle. The look from Lynley silenced him mid-note. "Sorry Sir, I was just trying to stop myself thinking about it."

"It's okay Winston but I need to think about it." For Tommy not thinking about Barbara was a sacrilege.

"Do you have any idea why Sir? Of all people she would have told you."

"No I don't. I wish I did," Tommy said wistfully, "do we ever really know someone? Even our best friends or our husband or wives? We can all lie to others so effortlessly at times and appear happy but underneath our souls are being eaten away. T. S. Eliot summed it up well 'There will be time, there will be time, To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet'. Maybe she prepared her face well and fooled us, or we only saw what we wanted to see."

Nkata considered this but could not agree. "She was pretty open Sir, what you saw was what you got."

"But it doesn't mean that was the whole Barbara does it?" Tommy knew Barbara had demons that haunted her like everyone else; a grief over her brother's death that was never fully resolved, a lingering guilt about how she had treated her parents, a recognition that she had cut herself off from people. He also understood how life could become so overwhelming that escaping it seemed the only way. He remembered well the utter blackness and isolation that had once driven him to stand ready to jump. Corntel had talked him down with a glimpse of a better future but what if Barbara had come to believe what she had now was it, that there was nothing better. What if what she had was not enough? Tommy could understand that type of desolation, he felt it now.

Tommy thanked Winston and alighted near the Tower. He walked slowly up onto the pedestrian walkway on the western side of the bridge burdened by a gnawing self-condemnation that he could have been more to her. Perhaps if he had not been so comfortable in believing she would always be there for him, to salve his wounds; if he had risked declaring his love for her, then maybe that would have helped her. He had been too concerned that she would repel him to even try. If he had been less worried about his own ego, they might have both had a chance at true happiness. He was haunted by ifs and maybes as he walked to the centre of the bridge where the bascules meet and stared upriver towards the lights of a still bustling city. He could not reconcile how life could go on so normally when his life had stopped four days before.

Lynley fingered the envelope in his pocket, uncertain whether or not he should open it. It could not relate to events of the last week as she had given it to him when he had come back to work after Helen's death almost a year ago. He had left it locked in his desk but yesterday he retrieved it to carry with him in the hope it might provide some comfort. She had told him at the time that life could be snatched away so suddenly and she had wanted him to have something to ensure he understood her. He had assumed as she had no family it was instructions about her estate. Now he craved connection to her, any form of connection, and so as he inhaled to steady his nerves he slipped a finger under the flap of the envelope and steadily tore it open.

He was not expecting the sight of her small angular scrawl to affect him so deeply. He let out a doleful howl and sank down against the iron railing as a surge of intense loss convulsed through him. He had been in shock when Helen had died, gripped by numbness that had held firm for months. This was different; it was not numbness but an active visceral pain. Tommy's grief made him feel as if he was adrift in a raging river being buffeted against sharp and slippery rocks and headed inexorably towards the edge of the waterfall from which there was no coming back. He was frightened and alone and flailing pointlessly against the torrent and the only person who could understand was not here to save him. He looked back at her letter wishing that it offered salvation. Now that he had opened it he wanted to savour every word of her message to him regardless of how routine the contents. He would replay their conversations and fights over and over again to keep her near him but this might be the last new words from her, their last conversation.

_Sir,_

_It seems such a cliché to say 'to be opened in the event of my death' but if you are reading this then for whatever reason I am dead but mercifully you are still very much alive. _

_The following pages contain all the details for my bank and solicitor. It should be no surprise that with no family I have left you everything. It is of insignificant value compared to your wealth but it is all I have and I know you will find a good cause for it. Perhaps donate it to whatever I died from, unless of course I get shot again! _

Tommy could not help but to laugh at that. It seemed so typical of the self-deprecating but innately humorous Barbara that he loved so dearly, despite her class warfare issues.

_It is more important for me to make sure you are going to cope. As I write it down it sounds big headed but you will struggle with my death. I know you will think about not going on, or not continuing in the Met. Make sure you stop that right now. Your family and the Met need you and you will find a reason to go on, just give yourself time to do it. In the meantime do it because I want you to. Oh and try to avoid finding solace in young women, I can't fix it this time!_

Ouch! That parting shot wounded Tommy to realise how much she had been hurt by his actions. She had been right though, he had no interest in going on without her.

_I am not good with talking about my feelings. I think you know how I feel anyway. Working with you all these years has been the highlight of my life. We have had our ups and downs but you have been my only real friend and that meant more to me than you will ever know. I am a better person for knowing you and I like to think you have been strengthened by knowing me. _

_It has always been too embarrassing to even think but given I will not know anything about it when you read this I can say it now, since my brother died you are the only person I have ever loved. It's a difficult thing to describe but it is like those Asian drawings of black and white. We sort of fit together and give each other a strength and beauty that alone we wouldn't have. I wish I had your education to know a good quote to explain it but the closest I come is the words to a song by Ronan Keating "When You Say Nothing At All' that sort of sums us up. My only regret is that I never told you. Although I am cringing writing this and hope it hasn't ruined any memories for you, I have to say it just once,_

_I love you Tommy!_

_Barbara_

"I love you too Barbara!" Tommy was elated to read her words and re-read the last two paragraphs repeatedly. His face was split by a huge grin, the smile he only ever found for Barbara. He had never thought of Barbara being a romantic soul but as he reflected it made perfect sense. There was a lot more depth to her than he, and others, often credited.

The joy was fleeting as the paradox became clear. He would never be able to tell her how much he adored her. He would never hold her in his arms. He would never make love to her. They would never be together. He had no future. The blackness that surrounded him was not simply the absence of light. It was a living thing that stole his breath and energy. It was a weight that was slowly crushing him, pushing him deeper into himself and isolating him from all that was familiar. It was physical agony trying to breathe and his heart beat faster and harder trying to push oxygen to his reluctant brain. His thoughts jumbled in the maelstrom of his mind. Logic fought a wild and turbulent battle with absurdity and ending the torment became his only goal. A frigid rationality came with one sole idea. He walked to the southern pier and out to the landing above the stanchion. Tommy smoothed out the paper that he had unconsciously crumpled and took the pen from his pocket. In a neat loopy script he wrote his reply.

_Barbara,_

_Your words made my heart soar. I love you with an intensity that I cannot understand and a passion that is destroying me with every breath I take. I understand why you want me to go on but I cannot, any more than I could stop my every thought being of you. Forgive me and if there is justice I will be with you very soon where my Yang can re-converge with your Yin._

_Forever,_

_Tommy_

He replaced it in the envelope and wrote Winston's name on the front. He typed draft texts on his phone to his mother, sister and brother and also one for Winston then removed his keys and wallet and placed them all neatly on the stone wall and waited. Once he had confirmation from Lafferty, he would send his messages then jump. It was simple, clean and symbolically united him with Barbara.

Time crawled and Tommy ran through her letter in his mind. The storm of emotion had subsided and he had a calmness and clarity he had not been able to achieve for days. Love was such a gloriously painful and contradictory emotion and he regretted that they had never found the rhythm of it. He was curious about the lyrics of the song. It had meant a great deal to Barbara and he wanted to understand it. He became fidgety and started to pace up and down as his thoughts begun to swing wildly again. Indecision and doubt returned. He had made his choice and he fought the impulse but it was in vain, he had to know. He snatched up his possessions and shoved them into his coat, none of them in the places they belonged. He raced from the bridge to the cab rank determined to hear the song before Lafferty called.

He left his front door ajar in his haste and pulled his laptop from his desk. He carefully typed in the title into his search engine. A link to the clip came up and he allowed his mouse to hover over the link before he clicked it. He had never thought he would be eager to listen to a love song selected by Barbara! The song played loudly and he smiled. It was not quite the sentimental, syrupy pop song that he had expected and the slight Irish lilt lent it a catchy individuality he found endearing. Listening to the lyrics he understood why it spoke to Barbara in the same way it was now touching him.

_It's amazing how you  
__Can speak right to my heart.  
__Without saying a word  
__You can light up the dark.  
__Try as I may, I could never explain  
__What I hear when you don't say a thing._

_The smile on your face  
__Lets me know that you need me.  
__There's a truth in your eyes  
__Saying you'll never leave me.  
__The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall.  
__You say it best when you say nothing at all._

_All day long I can hear  
__People talking out loud  
__But when you hold me near  
__You drown out the crowd  
__Try as they may, they can never define  
__What's been said between your heart and mine._

A tear fell onto his keyboard and he wiped furiously at his eyes. It could easily have been written about them and the unspoken language they shared. Barbara was right it did sum up their relationship perfectly. Tommy wept openly as he played it several times remembering smiles shared and looks exchanged. Barbara knew he loved her; now he understood the song he knew she had said as much in her letter. Sadly she had not realised that he knew it too. He sighed, still feeling lost and afraid but also free. He no longer wanted to jump. Once again she had rescued him and given him a lifeline to hold onto. Beautiful, magical, wonderful Barbara.

His phone buzzed; it was Stuart. Lynley stared at it before he swiped his thumb across the screen and brought it slowly up to his ear. "Lynley."


	2. Chapter 2

"It's not her, it's not Barbara!"

Tommy did not reply, he simply hung up. Lafferty would understand; Lynley had heard the relief in his voice as he delivered the news. Barbara was alive and needed him. He allowed himself a minute to be grateful and to bury his doubts and regrets then he needed to focus on finding her.

It was almost one in the morning but he rang Winston and organised for the team to meet at the station in thirty minutes. None of them would mind and they would not stop until she was safe. He showered and shaved. The water refreshed him and cleansed him of most of the negative thoughts he had had since the body was found late yesterday afternoon. He had purpose and clarity and could at last do something positive.

He spotted Winston in the car park and saw he too was walking straighter and had hope. Winston greeted him with an apology. "Sorry Sir, I should have trusted you to know she wouldn't jump."

"None of us knew for sure Winston. Now we need to find out who this woman was and work harder at finding Havers."

In the incident room Lynley addressed the team. He noticed that they all had more energy and determination. "We have an unidentified female who jumped from Tower Bridge. It is probably unconnected to Sergeant Havers' disappearance but she bears an uncanny resemblance and I want to know who she is and why she jumped. Winston, check all the missing person's reports in the last two weeks and see if we get any leads. Someone must have missed her. Also I want to check all the CCTV footage for Sergeant Havers movements. She left here at six in the evening and then disappeared. I know there is not much coverage around her flat but find her car leaving here and trace it. We assumed she made it home because her car was there but I want to know for sure. Then find every camera around her place and check them. See if anyone has private security cameras and check them too."

One of the younger constables groaned audibly earning a rebuke from Lynley. "You have a problem Constable?"

"No Sir, but we already went through all the footage and didn't find nothing."

"You didn't find anything, but this time look harder!" He moved his attention back to the group. "And first thing in the morning I want a team out door knocking around her flat. Focus on people likely to be paying attention like shopkeepers and the local uniform on the beat. Sergeant Havers is out there somewhere and is counting on us to find her." He walked from the room leaving them to their tasks.

Lynley returned the envelope to his drawer and locked it. He knew the contents and it gave him hope but he did not want their private thoughts found accidentally by anyone. He was considering what he would say to her when Winston burst excitedly into his office.

"Sir, I found fourteen of them!"

"Fourteen what Winston?"

"Missing persons Sir. They all fit the description; between five four and five six, all within ten pounds of Barbara's weight, all single or at least living alone, all with red hair of some shade and all in their late thirties and none of them have children."

Lynley sat up very straight in his chair. "Fourteen! That's no coincidence. We must have thirty or so women go missing each week in London and with about five percent of the population being redheads we would expect maybe three or four to be redheads but to also match height, weight and age the odds are too high. Someone is taking these women."

The team were still in the incident room. Winston updated them and Tommy issued new orders. "Send Lafferty all the details and see if he can get an I.D. for our body. Check all the women for common links other than their appearance. All the usual things like clubs, gyms, work, dating agencies. There has to be something that makes it easy for whoever did this to find their victims."

"Do you think it is some sort of weird sex crime Sir?" asked one of the constables.

"Not if they've taken Sergeant Havers." The reply came from across the room and Lynley spun around and glared, stifling any further snickering.

"Show some respect," he snapped, "she is a fellow officer who, regardless of why she has been taken, needs our help. Anyone with a problem with that is welcome to see me in my office. Now get to it, I want some answers by dawn."

Tommy had not had time to think about motive but now that he did he was worried that some sort of sex crime was likely. He tasked an officer to check the database for any offenders with known issues with red headed females while he studied the photographs of the missing women and the map showing the locations they lived or were last seen. "Winston, pull out the footage we have of the victim jumping then track back and see where she came from before she got onto the bridge. I know we looked when we thought it was Barbara but we were trying to link it to places we knew she might go. This time when we lose the woman on the cameras try all the surrounding streets to try to pick up her trail. I want to know where she came from and when."

Lynley had done all he could think to do until they could hone their information or find a new lead. He went back to his office and sat in his chair with his elbows on his desk and the fingers of each hand held up to touch their counterpart in front of his mouth. He was still deep in thought about what Barbara might do to try to let him know what had happened when a dim light started to filter through his window. He stood and stretched trying to ease the stiffness in his back. His body craved sleep but he could not rest until he held her safe. He ached to see her and he wandered back to the incident room hopeful that the new day would reunite them.

The team de-briefed each other on their findings. The victim had been traced back to Bermondsey which was miles away from where she lived or worked. She was on camera briefly running hard towards the city but they had not yet been able to trace her earlier movements. There was no obvious link between the missing women but in three cases there were reports of a black transit van in the vicinity. Teams were ready to go at seven o'clock to interview potential witnesses and to try to narrow down the search for the van. Lafferty was due to finish his autopsy report which Lynley hoped might shed light on her activities before she jumped.

Tommy called a locksmith to meet him at Barbara's flat and cursed that she had never offered him a key. He was going to search it for any clues but did not want to break down the door. He should have done it days ago but by rights he needed a warrant but had no real grounds to get one. This time he would chance that Barbara would not object, or at least officially. Winston was clearly uncomfortable but understood that any more time lost might make the difference between finding her alive or dead.

The locksmith broke in remarkably easily and cut Lynley a key while he searched the small flat. Tommy would need to speak to Barbara about increasing her security. The flat was clean but chaotic; typical of every time he had visited. He was tempted to check the cutlery drawer for any sign of underwear and the memory made him smile. Oh how he missed her! Her wallet and phone were on her kitchen bench. There was virtually no food in the fridge but there was an empty milk carton in the rubbish and a half prepared cup of coffee on the bench. "Do you think she ran out of milk Sir?" Winston asked.

The Inspector considered the options. "Quite possibly. I wonder where she would go to buy some without the car. Is there a corner store or mini market nearby? Notice she did not take her wallet or phone so she had not intended to go far."

"Makes sense Sir, I will check out local shops," Winston said as he reached for his phone.

Lynley was remarkably happy considering that she was missing and possibly in danger but intuitively he knew that Barbara was alive and that he would find her. He briefly imagined the joy of holding her in his arms but pushed the thought aside. It was dangerous to live that far in the future as it would distract him. It was clear to him though that he could never go back to the old paradigm now that he know how she felt. They would have to find a new balance but he had no idea how to broach it with her. Fearing long term psychological damage he also worried what affect her kidnapping would have on her. Paula had been in the same place and had killed herself. Tommy was confident Barbara would cope but would she ever be the same old Barbara?

Dejectedly he locked her flat and they headed to the morgue. He went to see Lafferty leaving Nkata to check progress with the station. Stuart had not slept but he was much fresher and enthusiastic than when Lynley had last seen him. "I'm just waiting for the dental records but from a rather distinctive birthmark I am sure it is the first of the missing women, Paula Mackenzie. Preliminary toxicology shows the presence of benzodiazepine but I need the bloods to come back to confirm the amount and when it was used. No sign of recent sexual activity and nothing else out of the ordinary, except maybe her clothing. Underneath that big coat she had no underwear on and only a white blouse and short blue skirt."

Tommy frowned as he contemplated what that might mean. "So she might have been drugged to be abducted, or afterwards to sedate her. Cause of death?"

"She drowned. I presume she was unconscious after she jumped, probably hit her head on the bridge pier, that would be consistent with her injuries. She was a mess."

"Thanks Stuart. Show me the clothing please." Lynley examined it becoming increasingly worried that this was a indeed a sex crime.

"Any update on Barbara? I heard there are more missing women."

"Havers was number fifteen. She disappeared the same night as Paula jumped. They feel connected somehow; we just have to figure out how."

Stuart smirked as he said, "it's times like this you must miss Barbara, she was always good at that type of puzzle."

"Hmm." Tommy smiled a thin closed lip acknowledgement then left to catch up with Winston.

They updated each other as they drove. Winston was equally disturbed about the drugs. There were a lot of deranged and kinky people in any city capable of all types of behaviour but fifteen almost identical women had a scale that worried them. Tommy was trying hard not to think about serial killers and rings of sexual deviants. Interviews had turned up more links to the van and they had found the shop where Barbara had bought a bottle of milk about eight o'clock on the night she vanished. The shopkeeper remembered hearing car doors slam and seeing a black van taking the corner too fast shortly after. He had not reported it thinking it was skylarking teenagers from the nearby estate but he did have description and a partial name from the side advertising that might help narrow the search. The CCTV review had narrowed an area in Bermondsey where Paula had first been seen. There were several urban redevelopment sites in the area and Lynley agreed that this was their most promising lead. People were already cross referencing for black transit vans on the footage.

"Winston, what if Havers was taken as a replacement for Paula and not a planned victim? Is there anything else that links the women? I find it implausible that someone trolls the streets and finds fifteen women with all the same age, physical and social characteristics within a couple of weeks."

"We haven't found anything obvious but we will keep looking," Winston replied as they pulled into the station car park.

Feeling slightly superfluous Lynley went to his office to wait. Two minutes later he bellowed for Nkata. "Winston, where do people have to give physical descriptions or have photos taken and provide all their personal details?"

Winston never liked these questions. This was a Lynley game that only Barbara was good at playing. "Sir?"

"Passports and driver's licences! I had to drag Havers to get her licence renewed a couple of months ago on the day it expired. Check to see if anyone in the Motor Registry or emergency services has accessed files for these women in recent weeks. Also pull me up an old map of Bermondsey; I want to see what was in that re-development area."

"On it!" Winston said as he hurriedly backed out of Lynley's office. The DI had that look; he had a theory.


	3. Chapter 3

There was no food in the house and Barbara could not be bothered going out to eat. A quick cup of coffee and an early night would suit her as it had been a long, hard week. She cursed when she opened the milk and found it had soured and a quick check of the use-by date stamp confirmed she should have finished it by last Friday. Cursing and grumbling Barbara debated whether it was worth it but she needed something in her stomach. She grabbed a couple of pound coins and headed down to Nazim's Mini-mart.

It was only a three minute walk and it might do her good; she had been couped up in Lynley's car too much this week and she needed to clear her head. Her thoughts were becoming dominated by him lately, which she knew was dangerous. The balance they had seemed to be shifting but she could not tell where it was leading. She had expected him to invite her to the pub again tonight but he had simply gone home. He was an enigma. Invitations to the pub, more smiles and laughter and the increasing way he touched her arm or shoulder when he did not need to had led her to hope he was starting to see her as a little bit more than his work colleague and friend. At other times though he had been aloof and moody and very much Lord bloody Asherton.

Nazim had been friendly and helpful as usual and armed with her carton of milk Barbara started her walk home. The black van she had passed on the way into the shop was still parked next to the double yellow lines but she had no interest in confronting them as she did not have her warrant card with her and was more interested in finally having her coffee. When she was level with the back of the van she heard the van door slide open and before she had a chance to register danger a big hairy hand had clamped over her mouth and she started to feel weak. _Ether!_ Training kicked in and she struggled to get away, knowing that escape was most likely in the first few minutes. There were more men now and she knew she had no viable means of freedom. She dropped the milk and as she was dragged into the van she scraped her heels hoping to leave marks on the footpath. She decided against leaving a boot as she may need her shoes to escape in.

Her heart thumped against her chest. She was confused and angry and frightened. Panic was her enemy so she took deep breaths to try to regain her composure. The effects of the ether were temporary and she surreptitiously scanned the men and the van. Three Caucasian men all about one hundred and eighty pounds; height hard to determine; no obvious scars or tattoos although one was so ugly she would never forget his face. They were calm and had made no attempt to blindfold her but without windows in the van she had lost the direction they were taking her after a dozen or so turns. They did not appear to be armed but all looked like gym junkies with huge biceps and probably very small brains.

"Why have you taken me?" she asked the ugly one who seemed from his demeanour to be their leader.

"Shut up whore!"

"I want to know why you have taken me and where we are going?"

Her only reply was the back of his hand as it smashed into her face. The world started to swim before her and despite her efforts Barbara passed out. When she came to she was lying on the floor of a bathroom. She looked up into the face of a woman whose expression would freeze Niagara Falls. Her hair was tied back harshly into a bun and her smile was a menacing snigger exposing her poorly aligned and badly maintained yellow teeth. Barbara shivered as she looked at a woman completely devoid of compassion. At gunpoint the guard made her shower. Barbara tried to engage her in conversation but the woman steadfastly ignored her but licked her lips in a menacingly lascivious way that disgusted Barbara. She was not surprised to find her clothes had been taken. In their place was a white blouse and short blue skirt. The lack of underwear made her wary and vulnerable but she knew this was part of their plan to keep her subservient. She forced herself to disregard it and be strong; her first priority was to survive.

It was eerie and unnerving for Barbara to find fourteen other women, who at quick glance could easily be mistaken for her, sitting at desks in the old classroom dressed identically in white blouses and blue skirts. She had seen enough in the police to know that people were capable of anything and whilst capturing fifteen scruffy redheads was unusual it was by no means the most bizarre thing she had witnessed. More troubling was the fact that they were not talking or acknowledging each other or her in any way even when she tried waving her hands in front of their faces. _Great, I've been kidnapped and taken to a school for the undead! _

It was obvious to Barbara that the men who had attacked her and bundled her unceremoniously into the back of their van must have drugged them. Barbara would be on guard for that and try to avoid it. If she was to escape she needed her wits intact. No one would really miss her until after nine o'clock the next morning and only truly worry a few hours later. Lynley would of course be worried immediately but would wait until he gauged when others were concerned before he acted. She took solace in the certainty that he would find her. It may take some hours or a couple of days but he would move heaven and earth to locate her. She could survive knowing he was coming for her. If she focused her thoughts on him she could block out anything else.

She was held down and forced to swallow three pills. Even so she managed to push one under her tongue which she spat out discretely and secreted behind the waistband of her skirt as soon as the guard turned her back. The effect on her was slow but intense. The world seemed to fade from her almost as if she was on the verge of sleep. It was a nightmarish world halfway between consciousness and oblivion. She was vaguely aware of sitting at a school desk. She had flashbacks to her own schooldays and had visions of Mr Coledrake making them endlessly repeat their times tables. A one stage she thought Tommy was there, dressed in an Oxford gown, giving Latin lessons. _Tommy, keep focussing on Tommy._ Even though she would never call him that to his face, his name became her mantra. He would keep her sane.

She would avoid the drugs in future as they had a debilitating and demoralising effect. Key to survival was to blend in and not create trouble and Barbara smiled inwardly at the irony. Tommy and the Met could not tame her but hold her at gunpoint and make her fear for her life and co-operation became easy. She hated herself for it but above principle she wanted to survive. She wanted to see Tommy again, it was that simple. She also knew that she had to retain her dignity. It was easier to kill someone you had no respect for than someone who behaved as if they deserved to live. She would not cry, she would not beg or become angry and hysterical. She would blend and be calm. She had tried unsuccessfully to establish a form of rapport with the female sentinel but she might have more success with the men. Again she laughed at the irony.

Barbara was aware that they were shown photos and videos every half hour or so. They were disturbing images of sexual fantasy involving men and schoolgirls engaged in acts of extreme sado-masochism bordering on torture. Each session started softly with images of happy couples tickling each other then moved into the consenting use of blindfolds and the judicious application of ice cubes. Soon though the images escalated into restraints and whippings and bizarre role plays using apparatus Barbara had never dreamed even existed. In most cases the women were the dominant players inflicting pain and humiliation on the men but other images graphically portrayed the women as the passive and sometimes abused partner. If any of the women did not watch the guards forcibly held their heads and in their drugged state Barbara could tell that they were becoming desensitized and accepting, some even seemed to relish it.

The women were divided into groups of five, which she imagined reflected how long they had been captive. The first group were taken into other rooms at different times and it was this group that seemed to find the images arousing. Barbara knew about socialization processes and would fight hard to resist but she knew this type of imagery was laden with subliminal messages that were harder to fight, especially under the hallucinogenic effects of the drugs. At best she had four or five days before she would begin to think this was normal and logical. She only hoped Tommy would find her before she started to lose her soul.

Drugs were issued regularly at intervals of what Barbra estimated to be every six hours and she soon worked out a quick and effective technique to evade taking them. Sometimes they started to dissolve and she lost some of her mental edge but she focused hard to compensate. Even though she tried to kept track the long days started to merge and were broken only by meals and sleep. She timed the intervals by the number of image sessions but they varied making accurate time tracking impossible. Telling night from day was impossible as the classroom had only artificial light and all the meals were identical. Barbara rapidly tired of the vegetable stew and rice that was served with their drugs. The women were being deprived of sleep with only five women allowed to sleep at any one time on hard wooden pallets with only a thin blanket for cover. Barbara recognised it was training to accept punishment.These people were not amateurs and whatever this was it was large scale, well financed and frightening. They were slowly but surely enslaving the women.

On what she thought was the fourth day Barbara began to doubt Tommy. He had not found her and had left her here. Logic told her he was trying but it did not ease her growing sensation of loss and abandonment. She began to get angry, with her captors, with life but mainly with Lynley. She forgot her mantra and started to think of him as 'Sir' and 'Lynley'. She even wondered if he was behind all this, capturing women who looked like her for some perverse public school group of deviants. She felt herself slipping into the mindset of the other women and even thought about taking the next dose of drugs as an escape. She had tried to speak to the others at times but they were all too traumatized and zonked out to reply with any more than basic grunts. Barbara was wavering dangerously on the precipice of reason when she thought she could hear his voice calling softly 'Havers'. She looked around hopefully but he was not there.

When they took her to the bondage room Barbara felt her tenuous hold on reality slipping further and her spirit start to flag at the sight of the implements from the videos. The life size male mannequin strapped to the St. Andrews Cross was made from a rubbery material that she found vaguely absurd and she actually started to laugh when she heard Tommy's voice in her head remarking on how remarkable the resemblance was to Assistant Commissioner Hillier. He was with her, she understood that and it gave her a renewed fortitude and resilience. She found she could easily obey the instruction to whip 'Hillier' with a small leather riding crop. The act was cathartic as she channelled her anger into each lash. She was becoming disoriented and confused as with each lash the dummy appeared to cry out in pain. She was supposed to calmly obey but she was distantly horrified to find she enjoyed inflicting pain. She experimented with different angles and flicks of her wrist until she heard just the right type of cry. The sounds in her head merged into noise and her only escape was to count each stoke with a single word, Tommy!


	4. Chapter 4

Tommy was impatient as he sat in his office and waited. Logically the facts fitted but he could admit it was a tenuous link and a thin theory and he wished Barbara was here to work it through with him. He stopped himself thinking about her. He had fourteen other women out there who needed his protection, it could not all be about finding Barbara.

A constable knocked on his door and informed him that the suspect, Ray Peterson, had been brought in for questioning. Tommy quickly scanned the information sheet he was handed as he rushed to the interview room. Peterson was a small wiry man with nasty little black eyes and Barbara would have warned him not to trust him as they were too close together. He was a clerk at the Motor Registry and had accessed the files of over a hundred women in recent weeks including all of the missing redheads. There was no job related reason for him to do so and the manager had been very quick to suspect him of wrongdoing. She had told Winston she had always thought he was a psychopath.

Peterson sat very primly on his chair and exuded an aura of self-importance and invincibility. Tommy was just in the mood for this arrogant little sod and his questions soon brought out Peterson's angry temperament and sense of entitlement. He admitted looking at the files but claimed it was for scientific research. Lynley doubted he was the ringleader of anything; nobody would follow this man's orders but he was definitely involved.

"What sort of research?"

"The sort that will determine if women who are desperately lonely and ugly, with no purpose in their lives and no one who cares about them can become useful to society."

Tommy's face darkened and his eyes narrowed. He wanted nothing more than to reach across the table and choke this odorous, supercilious little man. He looked sideways to the chair that she normally sat in and momentarily saw her sitting grinning at him, warning him not to do it. "Fourteen women have been reported missing so I would say that they have people who care about them. All of them were employed so I would say they were contributing to society. Where are they being held Peterson?"

The man laughed and showed no contrition. "They are scum. Red-headed whores who deserve all the punishment that they get."

"And what punishment is that?" Lynley's voice remained steady but his blood pressure had gone dangerously high. He was angry but in a way he had never felt before. Even when he had held that malevolent man over the railing he had only meant to scare him. Now he could easily kill Peterson and feel no remorse. The realisation scared him and he again looked around the room for Barbara. He always looked to her for strength when his failed him.

His belief in his own superiority undid Peterson. "Maybe kinbaku; maybe something else. You figure it out Plod. We have everything available to us. Those women will be mistresses by now." He laughed at his own pun.

Lynley had heard enough to confirm his suspicions and he left the room barely hearing the taunts Peterson was shouting at him. Peterson had not liked losing his attention and Lynley could exploit that later.

Winston followed Tommy into his office and handed him the map. It took Tommy less than a minute to locate the old school. Intuitively he knew that was where the women were being held and after interviewing Peterson he also knew what was happening to them.

"Come on man, don't just stand there," he called to Nkata as he pushed past him and headed to the Assistant Commissioner's office.

"Are you sure Lynley?" Hillier said after Tommy had made his request.

"As sure as I have been about anything these last few days. It is worthy trying Sir, we owe that to Havers."

Hillier thought that this was the craziest theory he had ever heard from Lynley and was not about to send the police helicopter to do a run with infra-red sensors without good reason. "Give me the logic again, slowly and without the Japanese."

"Sir, there were fourteen women who have been reported missing fitting the same physical and social descriptions as Havers who is also missing. On the balance of probabilities that means they were being targeted and have been kidnapped. One of them suicided after running from Bermondsey and had large doses of sedatives in her blood which would have made long distance escape unlikely. She was dressed in a white blouse and blue skirt which is one of the most common combinations for school uniforms in this country."

"That seems a very big leap in logic Lynley, even for you."

Lynley continued undaunted, "Peterson was cocky and thought that I would not understand what he meant but he mentioned kinbaku, the Japanese art of knot tying for sensual satisfaction…"

"You mean they get off on being tied up?"

"Yes, in a way and it often involves physical punishment as well, whippings and the like. Peterson also made the pun about the women being mistresses by now. I think he meant that they are training them to become masters of the art but also slaves or mistresses to the men. "

"So you think they are going to be shipped off to Japan?"

"No, there is a thriving underground BDSM community in London, one of the biggest in Europe. I think they will be distributed through some network here. And I think the abandoned school is the logical location to train them away from prying eyes."

"And how to you know so much about all this Lynley?"

"An Eton education is a very broad one Sir." He attempted a smile to cover his contempt at the implication.

On balance Hillier considered the logic was reasonable and not just desperation from his overwrought DI. "I hope you are right Lynley or you can explain it to the Commissioner in your exit interview."

"I am right Sir. Sergeant Havers is at that school along with the other women."

Although Hillier hated the arrogance of the man at times, lifted his phone and tasked the chopper then put the Emergency Response team on standby.

"Thank you Sir," Lynley said in perhaps his most genuine ever response to Hillier.

He rushed from the office and with Winston ran to his car. Both men were more hopeful than they had been in days. Lynley could not explain it but he knew he was right; Barbara was inside that building. The drive through the traffic was slow and there were already Emergency Response officers at the assembly point two blocks away from the abandoned school when they arrived. Lynley watched them dress in their body armour and check their weapons. As he searched for the commander the chopper whirred overhead. It was a high pass so as to not arouse suspicion but he knew the sensors could easily detect body heat from anything larger than a small cat at that height. The commander was on his radio and ignored Tommy, adding to his frustration and impatience.

"Well?" Lynley demanded as soon as the man signed off.

"DI Lynley I presume?" the commander asked and Tommy nodded. "We have eighteen to twenty targets confirmed. We are deploying now."

"I'll come with you."

"No, you will wait here." The commander had been warned about Lynley but he also understood why he wanted to go in. "You can follow as soon as we secure the building." He looked sympathetically at Tommy and laid his hand on Lynley's arm. "Your partner will be safe Lynley."

Tommy tried to smile in acknowledgement but it was more of a grimace. He nodded and thanked the commander and allowed Winston to lead him back to their car. The next ten minutes were agony. He had found her but he felt no relief, not until he knew she was safe. The weight of the last few days started to crush him again. There was doughiness in all his limbs and thinking became laborious. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on Barbara but he could not see her face. He started to panic and she moved further and further away from him. He was snapped back to reality by the shots being fired and pushed open the car door and began to run as fast as he could towards the school.

The cordon around the building was no match for a determined man and he pushed his way past an officer, almost knocking him to the ground. He followed the sounds of shouting until he found the classroom. Two of the guards were bleeding from gunshot wounds inflicted by the police team but the scene was secure. He was looking at ten faces that were like faded photocopies of Barbara. His fear in the car returned as the expressions of the women seated at the desks reflected a hollowness that he had seen in his mirror on the day he thought Havers was dead. He began to understand why Paula had jumped. Whatever depravity had occurred here these women would take a long time to recover. His eyes scoured the room frantically for Barbara but she was not there.

"Over here Sir," Winston called as he glimpsed a passageway to another group of classrooms.

Lynley pushed the door open to one and found a woman strapped to a St Andrews Cross. It was not Havers and he simply said, "You're safe now people are coming." He opened and closed two more doors before he opened one and saw Barbara, riding crop in hand, beating the life out of a rubber mannequin that looked remarkably like Hillier. She was shouting his name, Tommy, Tommy to the beat of each stroke. He stood motionless at the doorway. He wanted to rush in and hold her to him but he could feel her pain and confusion so he simply said, "I'm here Barbara, you can stop beating Hillier to death now."

The riding crop paused but she did not turn and she kept whipping the rubber man. Winston came up behind Lynley and gasped at the sight. Tommy pushed him from the room and shut the door so it was just he and Barbara. He walked over slowly and grabbed her extended arm. She spun savagely and seeing him went very still. "I'm here Barbara. You're safe now." Tommy was aware of the shortness of her skirt. He slipped of his coat and wrapped it over her shoulders. She was in shock and had suffered unknown psychological damage but he knew her dignity was important to her.

The emotions of the last days suddenly had an outlet and Barbara raised the riding crop and began to beat Tommy furiously about the shoulders and back. He stood firm and accepted it wordlessly until the strokes died away and she slumped against him. "You took too long Sir, look what they have turned me into."

He enfolded her in his arms and held her tightly. These last days had taken a huge toll on him and he understood that they had both been changed by the experience. They had to turn it into something positive or the scars would ruin them. He cared nothing for himself but he did care about Barbara and he would do anything to make her whole. "They haven't made you into anything Barbara that you and I can't undo. We're a team, always have been and always will be. Nothing will change that. We just have to rely on each other like we always do and it will be fine. I wouldn't have made it through the last few days without knowing you were with me in here," he said pointing to his heart. "Now I have found you I will never let you go, I promise."

Barbara's eyes were as foggy as her brain and although she heard his words she struggled to really understand what he was saying. His voice was soothing and she let herself sink into it. She wanted to tell him something but the words were jumbled in her head. "You Sir." Save me, stop them." Barbara passed out in his arms and Tommy called for the ambulance.

He watched as she was stretchered away. There was nothing more he could do and so he and Winston went back to the station. Tommy interviewed Peterson and when confronted with the video evidence of the raid and rescue his bravado vanished and he rolled over on the network like the coward Lynley knew him to be. Lynley was tired and after wrapping up the information he briefed Hillier, whose bluster was dampened by his uncanny likeness to the rubber man.

"I hope you are not insinuating that I had any role in this Lynley!"

Tommy looked at him quizzically and briefly wondered but dismissed the thought. Hillier was annoying but he was not that clever. "No Sir, not at all." He made a mental note to leave a copy of the photo in the male locker room. It was sure to find its way around the station quickly after that.

"Anyway Sir, it has been a long few days so I intend to hand it over to another team and give my team a break. Sergeant Havers has no family so I will ensure she is well cared for after they release her from hospital but those women were all exposed to some horrific practices Sir, so she made need some time."

"Why don't you take her to Howenstowe for a while? Get her away from the city and give her a chance to talk about it. She is only going to clam up with the police shrinks."

Tommy nodded, "Thank you Sir. That's actually a good idea." He would not circulate the photo after all and if that was Hillier's motivation for his generosity then so be it.

"She is a good officer and you make a good team. I want to keep you both."

Tommy smiled knowing that Hillier understood a lot more about their relationship than he let on. Tommy went back to his office and retrieved the letter then headed to the hospital.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Author's note:** The ending did not fill well at the end of this chapter – I will have to run to five chapters.


	5. Chapter 5

Tommy made very liberal use of the term partner when he was discussing her condition with the doctors. It was made easier by Barbara's registration form stating he was her next-of-kin. It made sense, she had no one else but it also made him feel warm and cosy, not words he normally associated with his emotions. She was still undergoing a psychological examination when he arrived but the doctor was pleased that she was in the best physical condition of all the women. He reassured Lynley that she had not been subject to any sexual abuse. Lynley smiled shyly at him and looked relieved. He would not have liked Barbara to have to live with those types of memories. The doctor was confident that Havers would be allowed to go home later today as long as she stayed with a competent adult at all times. Tommy actually doubted his competence given the last few days but he was determined to have her with him tonight whether she was at home or he slept here by her bed.

When he was finally allowed in to see her she was propped up in the bed wearing a hospital gown. She had showered and looked more alert than he expected. He had not noticed the huge purple bruise and swelling that distorted the right side of her face but now he saw it he winced. _Poor Barbara, what did they do to you? _He could not help but grin foolishly at her when she saw him and he hurried over to her bedside.

"Tommy darling, come here," she said holding open her arms.

Tommy hesitated and looked at her, worried that she was seriously psychologically damaged. Smiling he obeyed and lent in to her embrace knowing that something was not right. Even so her touch thrilled him and he wrapped his arms around her tightly and sighed contentedly. She whispered in his ear, "they think we are lovers. Just pretend it's true and I can get out of here. I can't stand the thought of being trapped anywhere for a moment longer."

He laughed softly pleased that the usual street-smart Havers was very much alive and well. He hugged her harder then stood back to make sure she was looking at him before he bent down and kissed her tenderly on her mouth. She gasped with shock but made no attempt to push him away. He broke the kiss but kept his face close to hers and simply asked, "do you want to get out of here or not?"

"Touché."

"Well you are in good hands if you want to fool them. I am a great thespian and was the star in the sixth form play at Eton," he said with a flourish, trying to keep the mood light.

"Oh I can imagine. Let me guess you were Hamlet or Macbeth."

Tommy laughed and said sheepishly, "actually I was Queen Elizabeth the First."

Barbara laughed with him. It felt good to laugh again and she was glad he was here. She had missed him more than she had imagined possible but ironically more so in the last hours since her rescue than before. Perhaps then he had been her focus and her mantra but now he was back to just being her annoyingly wonderful friend.

He sat on the side of her bed and held her hand. He was not doing it to trick the doctors, he wanted to stay connected. She seemed to be alright on the surface but he suspected it was partly relief at being found and mostly an act for him and the doctors. He squeezed it reassuringly every few minutes and was pleased that a couple of times she squeezed back. He gave her everyone's best wishes but avoided talking about the case. He would let her discuss it when she was ready. She asked about the news and what had happened in the last few days and they settled into an easy conversation about nothing at all. He told her his mother was enjoying New York and that the estate bank accounts were being drained by her shopping sprees. They speculated on what extravagant purchases she would bring back for the summer season.

The doctor called him away about an hour later with the good news that the psychologist had agreed it would be better for her to go home than to stay in the hospital. He was given strict instructions about what to do if she became suicidal or hysterical. He was warned that she might be totally repelled at the idea of any sexual activity or that she might want to resume their usual lovemaking to compensate. Tommy found the conversation awkward and he was red faced and embarrassed when he returned to Barbara.

"Well, what did he say?" she demanded, "and why do you look like a naughty schoolboy?

"He said you can leave after they clear your paperwork but I have to stay with you night and day for the next few days until you are cleared by the psychologist. So you're place or mine?" He answered ignoring her question about his demeanour.

_Is he embarrassed about the night and day part? Sometimes he takes things far too literally! _She considered the options and a cloud passed across her face. "Yours if it's okay Sir. I can't face going back to my place yet."

"What about your clothes and toiletries?"

"We could stop at Marks and Spencer on the way," she suggested, "I don't need much. I _really _can't face my flat yet."

"That's fine Barbara." Tommy held her hand to let her know he empathised. He was seeing the first cracks in her armour but he was unfazed. He expected the next few days to be an emotional roller coaster for her and he would hold her tight and ride it with her. "I thought we might go down to Howenstowe tomorrow for a few days. It will be quiet there with Mother in America. It will give you a bit of time away from London."

He watched her consider it and thought she was about to refuse when she surprised him. "Yeah, that would be nice Sir. I can't pretend forever that it didn't happen but I need some space to get things in perspective." Tommy did not have to speak. He simply pumped her hand and she smiled back.

"Oh," she said suddenly breaking from his grip, "we have a bigger problem. What am I going to wear to leave here?"

He cursed himself for not thinking about that. "I'll arrange for you to steal the gown and they should still have my overcoat from when you came in. You won't exactly be haute couture but it'll do."

They ignored the strange looks in the department store and Barbara was grateful that Tommy was so assured and commanding with the sales staff when he said she would wear the clothes home. He disappeared briefly while she was in the fitting rooms but reappeared to rescue her from embarrassment when she remembered her wallet was still at her flat. He had happily paid and she made no attempt to complain. He had told her they could settle all that later but she knew he would never accept her money. It surprised her that she was able to accept his gift even when he had insisted she buy enough to last a few days so that they could drive straight to Cornwall in the morning. She was too tired to argue and understood he took pleasure in helping her. This was one very practical thing that made a real difference and she wanted him to know she appreciated everything he was doing for her. Her pride and independence had always been a barrier between them but now she wanted to feel as close to him as possible. He was not ashamed to lean on her and she had never resented it, in fact she had welcomed it, so why should it be any different in reverse?

Night was rapidly closing in and they were both hungry. It was easy to agree on Indian takeaway which they devoured greedily. "Good job we bought some extra roti," he said as he mopped up the last of his curry. He was finding it harder to make conversation since the light had faded and Barbara had started giving only monosyllabic answers to his questions and comments. Tommy wondered if the night reminded her of the darkness at the school or if that was the time when more sinister things had happened there. He was not going to press her but he needed her to know she could tell him anything if she needed to talk. "Are you tired Barbara?"

"I'm exhausted but I don't think I could sleep if that makes any sense."

"Perfectly," he said, "I feel much the same way. It has been a tough few days for both of us but I cannot even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you." He stood and walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "If you need to talk or if you just need someone to be with so you are not alone, you know I'm here for you don't you?" Barbara nodded. "Any time; if I'm asleep just wake me. Also treat this place as your own. It doesn't matter what you need or when so if you want to watch television or help yourself to my bar just do it. It's not a large house but I'll give you a guided tour."

"Thanks Sir, that's kind of you but I'm okay… at the moment at least. I keep waiting to feel bad or something but I don't. I just feel, I don't know, safe I guess."

Tommy smiled sympathetically and said, "I want you to always feel safe with me. I may have failed you this week but I promise you I will always protect you from now on."

Barbra smiled up at him. He was so earnest and caring that she stood up and hugged him. They stood together locked in an embrace allowing their silence to say everything. Barbara at last spoke, "well you had better show me where I am sleeping."

Tommy led her upstairs. He was tempted to take her straight to his room but he would never presume. She needed the space and time to understand he loved her and to come to him.

Barbara looked around amazed. He lived in a different world to her. "This place is a palace compared to my place! I don't suppose you have a bath do you?"

"Yes in my bathroom. I'll run you a hot bath if you like while you get changed. There's a clean robe in the wardrobe and fresh towels in the bathroom cupboard. I'll be downstairs if you need me."

Barbara walked past his bed on the way to his ensuite and looked at it longingly. She would like to share it with him tonight, perhaps every night, but she knew if she did it would only be a temporary affair and she could not cope with the thought of losing him. It would be far better to just have him as her friend. She sighed as she sank into the scaldingly hot bath and let the heat seep into all her muscles. She had not realised how tired and sore she was until she tried to relax. This was the first time in hours she had been alone and she did not like it. She was not afraid or lonely; she just wanted to be with Tommy and it was a dangerous thought. He had been so important to her the last few days and the way he had looked after her when he found her and since made it hard to keep hiding how much she loved him. She wanted desperately to go down stairs and tell him. She wanted to hold him and kiss him. Even though it had been a joke this afternoon his kiss had been soft and tantalizing and she had re-lived it over and over in her mind. All the time he was just being Tommy her best friend. He needed her but sadly he was not in love with her. He understood she needed him for the next few days but what if she became too used to his company? That would only make the inevitable so much harder. Barbara decided to get over herself and go home tomorrow rather than to Cornwall. She had looked forward to it when he suggested it but now she could see it was destined to end in heartbreak. She stayed soaking for a while longer but found she was becoming more miserable.

Tommy fed some CDs into his player and queued in a sequence of soft but not overly romantic instrumentals as her waited for her in his lounge. He wondered how and when to tell her he loved her. He did not want to frighten her or rush her after what she had been through but he did want her to know. He wanted to be able to be natural with her and not have to try hard to avoid touching her too much. He wanted to caress her, to hug her close, to kiss her. He did not need to bed her, it was not like that. The love he felt for her now was much more gentle and spiritual. His physical desire for her could wait until the time was right for them both.

She entered the lounge slowly to see him sitting on the large couch with his legs stretched out in front of him on the seat. It was a casual position but he managed to make it look elegant. He heard her and without really turning reached out his hand towards her. "Come here Barbara," he said softly.

The resolve and determination she had mustered upstairs deserted her and she walked over and took his hand. He guided her down onto the seat next to him and she tucked her legs up onto the sofa and allowed her back to nestle into his chest. He was soft and warm but also strong and safe. Tommy wrapped his arm protectively around her waist and rested his head on hers. This was exactly what she was afraid might happen. He was being nice to her and she was opening herself up too much. This was not going to end well but she did not have the strength to resist. She was exhausted emotionally and physically and his touch was something she had craved for years.

All his pain from the last few days drained away as he held her. She was delicate and troubled but she was alive and accepting his love. The robe was soft beneath his hand and as he traced her contours with his fingers he imagined them running over her bare skin. "I thought I had lost you the other day and it tore me apart," he whispered stroking her hair. "I'm so happy to be here with you like this; don't ever leave me again Barbara, please."

She surrendered to the feeling and rested her head back on his shoulder. "I love you Barbara," he whispered into her ear before her kissed the bruise on her face.

Barbara started to pull away but he held her firm and started to kiss the back of her neck. "Don't Sir, please. It's not fair. We are both just reacting to what happened but it's not supposed to be like this for us."

Tommy was torn. He had thought when she had come to him that she understood he loved her but it was clear she had mistaken it for the act of a friend. He did not want to force her but he did not want to pretend any longer. He released his grip and rolled her slightly so she could see his face. She remained there holding him cautiously. "One of the women, the first one taken, must have escaped. She ran to Tower Bridge and threw herself off. You were taken the same night and when she was found a few days later everyone thought it was you. She was hard to identify but her build and hair was so much like you that it was an easy mistake to make."

"I, I had no idea. And you thought I had killed myself?"

"No, I thought if you had I would feel it but all I could feel was that you needed me. I was so confused and desperate thought that I did have waves of doubt. I went to the bridge and prepared everything and waited for Lafferty to call once he had done the autopsy. If it had been you I was going to jump but something stopped me before he rang."

"No, you wouldn't do it would you? Because of me? What stopped you?"

"This," he said as he pressed a button on his remote. The music changed and the CD he had bought in Marks and Spencer began to play a haunting guitar riff.

_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart_

_Without saying a word you can light up the dark..._

Barbara gasped loudly and stared at him then started to cry. She knew he had read her letter and she was mortified. "But I wasn't dead! Oh God."

_Try as I may I could never explain_

_What I hear when you don't say a thing..._

She tried to stand but Tommy held her firm. "I opened the letter on the bridge. I wanted to be near you in some way. At first I just wrote a reply and still intended to jump but didn't know the song and I couldn't jump without understanding what you thought suited us. I rushed home here and found it. It is perfect Barbara, it is us. That song saved my sanity just as you have with your smiles and your looks so many, many times. It drove me harder to find you knowing that you loved me as much as I love you."

The acoustic live version of the song was especially beautiful and as Barbara looked into his eyes they seemed to sing it to her. Tommy was holding the envelope and handed it to her. Through her tears she read his message and began to sob again. His words ran around in her head. _I love you with an intensity that I cannot understand and a passion that is destroying me with every breathe I take. _Her head fell onto his chest and she grasped his shirt with both hands and held her face to him and cried. She sensed his hands caressing her back, comforting her.

_The smile on your face_

_The truth in your eyes_

_The touch of you hand_

_Let's me know that you need me_

"I should have told you before Barbara but I didn't think you felt the same way. Now I know you do we don't have to pretend anymore. Don't fight it, just love me with all of your heart the way I love you."

A new song began to play and Ronan Keating's voice again filed the air.

_If tomorrow never comes_

_Will she know how much I loved her?_

_Did I try in every way to show her every day_

_That she's my only one_

_And if my time on earth were through_

_And she must face the world without me_

_Is the love I gave her in the past?_

_Going to be enough to last_

_If tomorrow never comes_

'_cause I've lost loved ones in my life_

_Who never knew how much I loved them_

_Now I live with the regret_

_That my true feelings for them never were revealed_

_So I made a promise to myself_

_To say each day how much she means to me_

_And avoid that circumstance_

_Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel_

_If tomorrow never comes_

_Will she know how much I loved her...?_

Barbara smiled and opened her heart to Tommy. He was looking at her so genuinely; with so much love that she hardly believed it was true. She reached up and gently stroked his face. Tommy's response was a kiss that distilled all of their swirling emotions into a truth that was unmistakable. They were captive souls and just like Yin and Yang, nothing would break them apart.

**Author's note: ** I always intended to have this ending. I was never going to leave them unhappy and lost.

The second song of course is Ronan Keating's 'If Tomorrow Never Comes'.


End file.
